Going In The Right Direction

Thought you'd lost me forever? Nah, I just didn't have much progress on this front to report. But I'm back with some news that makes me really happy. I'm down 6 pounds! Woo hoo!

And I think I've got Mr. M to thank. For the last month or so, he's been making a real effort to get me to the gym. And not because he wishes I'd lose weight. The great thing is that he is honestly happy with me whatever I am. And I'm thankful. But I need to be happy with what I am and it makes him happy when I am happy. Is that confusing? Lots of happy, happy.

Anyway, I make it to the gym 2-3 times a week now and work on the treadmill for about an hour. I usually walk/jog about 4.25 miles and burn about 600 calories.

My weight? Well, it was 1_5 and now it's 1_9.

Really, you thought I was going to put the whole number on there? This isn't TV, people. So you don't get the whole number.

But I'm so happy to see the scale going in the right direction. HOORAY!

2011: The Year of Pre-Pregnancy Weight

While blog hopping several months ago, I stumbled upon a great blog of a lady who is fun to follow.  Her posts are more thoughtful and reflective like I tend to write and so it intrigued me.  Today was no exception - this great post is where I got my new sidebar button.  I want to make 2011 the year I get back to my pre-pregnancy weight.  I haven't decided just what changes I'm going to make yet, but wanted to throw this out there before I could change my mind.  I deserve this!  My body deserves this!  And my husband and daughter deserve it too - I need to give them my all and it's hard to do that when thoughts of this extra weight are always in the back of my mind.

I'll take some time and think of specific (but very achievable) goals and be back with you soon!

Photography Results Revealed!

This post is a bit delayed since the county fair ended a few weeks ago, but better late than never...right?

Anyway.

I have great news to report - I actually WON blue ribbons on THREE out of the SEVEN photos I entered! 

Yes, isn't that a professional picture I took of my winnings?  No?  Well, it's the best I've got - when you have a nearly 15 month old daughter who really really really wants to explore the world around her that often involves grabbing new and interesting looking things.  These pictures happen to fall in that category.  So I laid them on the couch, snapped a quick picture, and there you go!

And here are the three winning pictures so you can see them larger.  And also, don't steal them...that's not cool.  But you probably already knew that.

And here are the other entries I made.  I am just as proud of these as I am of those that won. 

It was fun just to enter and compete!

Have a Photograph That I Have Taken Displayed Publicly

Come one, come all to the Twin Falls County Fair and Magic Valley Stampede.  And while you're there, do me a favor, okay?  Stop by the photography building and see if you can pick out the pictures I entered, thus completing my goal of having a photograph I've taken displayed for all the world (okay, or at least the Magic Valley) to see.   Hint...my name will be on them. 

Each year as I enter the photography building I am filled with a sense of awe at the incredible talent in our valley.  But I am also filled with a sense of disappointment that I forgot, once again, to enter my own photographs.  But this year I was bound and determined to make an entry.  So determined, in fact, that I entered SEVEN pictures. 

Yes, that's right.  Seven.  (Hey, the limit is eight...)

I suppose that somehow makes up for the fact that I haven't entered every single year I've wanted to.

Judging happens behind closed doors tomorrow.  My entries are in the following SEVEN categories:  Portrait - Female, Portrait - Child, Abstract, Rural Scenes, Skies, Wedding - Casual, and Miscellaneous.  It would be thrilling to win - I can't deny that.  But even if I don't, I feel a sense of accomplishment.  I've put my own unique view of the world on display and I am so proud of myself for doing it!

Well, I joined the local gym about a month or so ago.  When Mr. M came home from work one early evening, I turned our daughter's care over to him and proceeded to get ready for my gym experience that evening.  I dressed appropriately, completed by my Nikes with the pink swoosh, then grabbed my iPod and water bottle and headed out the door. 

I drove a few minutes to the Main Street location and once inside I fixed my sights on an unoccupied treadmill.  After carefully entering my weight, age, and time of desired workout the belt slowly began to move.  I pushed the power button for the small attached television screen and began to flip through the channels, settling on one about homes that will never ever be in my price range.  Satisfied with this choice, I plugged the earbuds of my iPod in my ears and was content to simply view the images of the gorgeous homes as Adam Lambert sang, "Whataya want from me?" in my ears.

A few minutes into the workout I saw the owner of the gym out of the corner of my eye and unplugged my earbuds to say hello.  She asked if I was going to join the aerobics class which, from the sound of the music, had just started.  I gave it some thought, then decided to give it the old college try. 

Upon entering the room I was greeted by Michael Jackson belting out "Beat It" over the stereo speakers and my heart started pumping.  The room was filled with other women, but not of the same type I was used to joining in aerobics classes.  Most women I have attended class with are the hoity toity type...you know the ones, they have matching EVERYTHING.  And then there's me in my old racing t-shirt and sweatpants.  Yeah.

But not this class.  These ladies looked to be everyday women I'd shop beside in the grocery store.  They were real.  I was ecstatic!  I joined in beside them and worked up a sweat for the next hour.  It felt great!  After class, the instructor and I introduced ourselves to one another and I promised to be back for another class.

I've kept true to that promise at least once a week for the past few weeks.  And I've even managed to avoid having to work out in front of the mirror. 

Until today.

It appeared I would luck out again as I grabbed my usual spot near the wall, far away from the mirror.  The music started pumping through the room as we began our warm up.  A few ladies showed up late so I scooted over and made room. 

And then I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  All this time I'd been thinking I looked exactly like our instructor when I did those moves.  She moved gracefully, like a dancer or a gymnast and I modeled my movements after hers.  Or at least I thought I did.  No, what appeared in the mirror before me was my own image but doing movements that made me look like a dancing frog. 

Really graceful...I know.

So I attempted to move back toward the wall and managed not to have to look at myself in the mirror for the rest of the class.  It's a good thing, too, because we were doing some really graceful moves.  I'd hate to think what that looked like.

I figure that as long as I can secure that spot near the wall - and away from the mirror - I'll be just fine.  Who cares if I look like an awkward dancing frog?  At least I'm going.

I Am Beautiful In Every Single Way

In addition to my previous post I wanted to be bold and post pictures of myself that I actually like.  I suppose it may be dull reading someone else's journey to a sense of self...so if it is, I guess you won't be frequenting this page much longer!  This is good for me - this declaration of saying, "Hey, I think I look pretty darn good in that picture!" makes me feel empowered.  In times previous, I would not have felt safe in saying that because I felt there may be someone out there who would say, "Really?  You think you look good in that picture?"

But now, I don't really care what anyone else thinks.  These are pictures where I am happy with the way I look.  In each one of these I can pick out things I really like. 

Hey, it's a start!

This picture shows me in July 2008.  I was 10 pounds away from my goal weight and feeling great about how I looked!

In this picture I am about 12 weeks pregnant.  Glowing!! (Or is that sweat from throwing up in the mornings?  LOL)

I like my hair and smile in this picture.  And I like having a handsome man with his arms around me. :)

Still prego here...about 12 weeks...and I like my hair and I LOVE those boots I'm wearing.

This was exactly three years ago today...the night of our wedding and we finished opening presents.  I loved my wedding hair do.  If I ever win the lottery I will hire someone to style my hair EVERY SINGLE DAY.

I really like my hair color in this picture and my eyebrows and my smile and my eyes.  See now that I'm a mommy I pay less attention to getting eyebrow waxes.  Seriously, don't look at my eyebrows right now.

Holding some friends' new baby in college.  I was about 19 or 20 here.  Ah, the beauty of youth.  (Yeah, like I'm a real old lady at 28 year old now.)

Being with my honey makes me smile.  Same trip as all the other prego pics...happy to be growing a baby in the belly.  Other happy picture include all my prego pics.  I LOVED being pregnant!!

"Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical."

-Sophia Loren

A couple weeks back I had the opportunity to photograph six lovely young ladies in dresses that they’d made themselves. Each girl, assisted by some adult women leaders, spent approximately 70 hours on her dress and each one was unique and lovely. Even more unique and lovely were the girls themselves. They simply glowed as they received one well-deserved compliment after another at an open house to showcase their handiwork.

I arrived before the open house began and was invited to photograph the girls getting ready. Some were more shy about having their picture taken than others, but I was able to get some nice shots of each of them. The only thing that bothered me about the whole event were comments I heard from some of the girls.

“Make sure you don’t take a picture of my fat roll, ‘kay?”
“I really need to start a diet soon.”
“Don’t take my picture!”
“I look awful in pictures!”

It broke my heart. Couldn’t these young ladies see the true beauty of their youth? I finally had to give them some kind of response.

“Girls, one day you will look back at these pictures and say, ‘Man, I was hot!’” I told them. The other ladies there agreed with me. “Yes girls, you must realize how great you look!”

And then I stopped to think. Here I am on my blog lamenting about how fat I am and how I want to lose weight. Why can’t I take my own advice and really look and see that I am beautiful right now?!

This topic has been on my mind especially for the past 24 hours and that has been caused by several things.

1 – Tonight I am photographing these young ladies again as they are escorted by their fathers to a dinner with some young men.  I hope they can see their true beauty - that is one of my true purposes in taking these photos is to help them form a positive self-image. 

This also reminds me of something one of the adult leaders said that first night I photographed the girls.  She told them to make themselves as beautiful as possible and then forget themselves and try to make others feel comfortable.  That only adds to true beauty. 

2 – I had a conversation about self-esteem and body image with my sister-in-law last night.  When we were visiting them in January and when we went out to eat, she came down the stairs looking like this (GORGEOUS)

and I went to dinner looking like this.  (TIRED!)

I'm not glaring at my child - just being tired.  She is not that great of a sleeper and especially not when we travel.  Zzzzz.  But to say the least all I could do that night was look at my lil' sis (we're more like sisters than sis-in-laws anyway!) and think how awful I look and how gorgeous she is. 

I told her what I was thinking and she was devestated...for two reasons.  First, she never wants to make anyone feel inferior; and second, she didn't feel that she was more beautiful than anybody.  Don't you love her already?  I have the three best sisters-in-law (and best bio sister too!). 

3 – I read a fellow blogger’s post about Carrie Underwood’s song “So Small”. Why make these things bigger than they are? Why can’t I just enjoy life as I am? It will go by so fast and I can’t get the time back.

4 – Last night on “Glee” (Yeah yeah, I know, it’s a guilty pleasure.) they had something on this topic and at the end Mercedes sang Christina Aguilera’s song “Beautiful”. The lyrics are beautiful. Listen to them here:



I can't really seem to formulate my thoughts on this subject as I'd like to, but I suppose I will be adding to this as I go along.  This is just so important to me now because I want my daughter to grow up with a healthy self-image.  I want her to realize her individual beauty for what it is and to feel at home in her own skin.  In addition to my random thoughts here, check out THIS POST by Mama Cas (hope that's okay with you, Mama Cas!!) about self-image.  It's a good reminder to me to not make fun of my daughter's mother.  I owe her that.